Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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