theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
foreskin is a definite game changer
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
The convent might be a nice break from real life
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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