Already got asked if we're dating
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
