I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
