I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
