OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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