dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
