Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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