guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
i think i scared a bird with my dick
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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