weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
