make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
birth control should be required to get into college
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
