Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
