so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Randomize
