YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
