Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
