i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
