I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
