is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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