So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
