you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Randomize
