Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
so that wasnt chicken after all
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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