Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
