I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
