So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
