I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
sex in a hospital.. check
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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