There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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