I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
