you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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