I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize