I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
