You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize