Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Operation Purity has been aborted
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
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