No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
