Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Randomize
