Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
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