She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I touched a dick in church today
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
