i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
