It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
