id be glad to
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
