How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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