gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
