I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I AM VODKA MAN
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Randomize
