I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
