I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize