Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
