I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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