His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize