I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
