Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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