You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
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