i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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