I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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