Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize