This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
