i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
