Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize