on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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