i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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