ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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